Family Systems Theory

According to the text book "Marriage & Family The Quest For Intimacy" by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer the definition of systems theory is that "...particular people form the system and have particular rules and roles that apply to their system. Furthermore, the group is composed of interrelated parts (individuals)." (p.20). However, in my Family Relations class we talked about systems theory actually being family systems. In each family there is always going to be a member who pulls in an important role or function of the system. Have you ever thought about what role you play in your family? We discussed in class the various roles we each took in our families and there was a wide variety. There isn't just a secluded number of roles, everyone brings their own unique part in the family unit. There are certain roles that are more central than others that makes the whole operate, this is called the Homeostatic Mechanism. For example one might say it would be the mother or father or both. If mother and father are central then we can start to draw out where we might fit in with them and maybe even siblings we there are any. Some people might draw (literally) themselves either close or far away from the parental subsystem and the same with siblings. Visually, it is a great way to actually see where relationships are and how to adjust them in a way that is more healthy. No family is perfect and there will always be room for improvement with relationships, the key to this? Communication. You simply CANNOT expect relationships to improve if you constantly assume that your family member knows what you're feeling. I am definitely 100% at fault when it comes to communication, it's hard for me to just go up to my sister or parents and tell them how I'm feeling without having an invitation. As silly as this might sound, it's true! Even when someone does ask how we are, what is our immediate response? "I'm good" or "I'm fine" Maybe take the time the next opportunity you have with a family member to dig deeper and see how they're doing and how the relationship is between the two of you. Recently I had gotten into the most ridiculous argument with my sister which blew up into a 3 year build up of frustration with me or in my case; misunderstanding. I was so offended and didn't realize that she didn't know my side of the story and I didn't know hers. We somewhat fixed it but it's a work in progress. It is so important to talk to your family members and learn more about the relationships you have with them. Who knows, maybe there was 3 years of anger and frustration that you didn't know about.

How many kids do I actually want?

I'm sure at one point we've all sat back and thought about the number of children we want, I know I have. It seems that when I was a lot younger I always wanted a large number and as I got older and older that number slowly diminished. Why? Because of selfish reasons or things that were taught to me in school. My selfish reasoning was that I wouldn't be able to go out and have as much fun anymore as well as children just being too expensive. In school I always had a few teachers that taught about the pollution in the world and the carbon footprint we are creating. Not only pollution but the thought that one day we might run out of food and space for everyone on this planet! Let me tell you, this is entirely wrong. There was a man by the name of Dr. Ehrlich who put together a book called "Population Bomb" that talked about all these different ideas. In my class we discussed the idea of not having enough space on the planet for everyone and we talked about car rides or airplane rides. With both you almost always see wide open space for most of your trip and not a ton of cities or homes everywhere. As for food, we are producing more than we actually need! Farming equipment and technology has advanced tremendously that we actually have more than we need. Then there is the carbon footprint, there will always be people that have more cars than they actually need and so it's not about how many people are on the earth.

It is actually important that we do have children believe it or not. Through my religious background and economically it is crucial that we do have kids. If you think about it economically you see that the more people there are, the more brain power, the more people, the more creativity etc. How do you think there was such a huge technology movement in the 1950's? This was the time of the baby boomers, there was a generation that on average had about 3 kids per family in the United States. I was surprised at the number because I had always thought it was like 5 or 6 per family but there was a little known fact left out of this equation. Older people were no longer dying as early as they used to, medicine had advanced and  people were living longer. However, 3 kids per family is still a much higher average than it is today. There will eventually be a decline in the population and this will not only effect the economy but the future generation. As we discussed in my class we talked about how we are all a very social people and family is the foundation unit in which to build upon. If everyone is only having one child, eventually the family members that child will have will diminish drastically. No more aunts or uncles or siblings or cousins. We all connect with our family and it's a large part in how we learn to socialize. Which brings me back to our selfishness or in other words individualism, our society has become so focused on ourselves that we don't see the big picture. I would like to end with my testimony, I do believe that our Heavenly Father wants us to multiply and replenish the earth. I know that through Him ANYTHING is possible if we only have faith in Him. He will never hand us anything that we can't handle and we should have more children than what we're allowing ourselves to have. I'm not saying you or I have to have 5, 8, or 12 children, everyone is different and each of us will receive our own revelation through Heavenly Father on how many children to have. We have been given such a sacred gift in bringing down His spirit children so that they might have a body and go through this big journey of life.

Very first post in the blogging world!

Ok so this is my first time ever having a blog and so I'm still figuring this all out. I am definitely not computer savvy but I'll have to soon! I am so excited to learn in the new Family Relations class, so far it has been so exciting to learn. I am a Marriage & Family major at BYUI and I have been attending since last Fall. I just got married this past July and I have to say I have loved it so much. It's not perfect that's for sure but marriage will always be a work in progress in my opinion. My husband and I enjoy watching movies, doing spontaneous trips, and being with family. Both my husband and myself grew up in Kennewick WA which makes holiday destinations easy because both our parents live in the same town. I have 2 other siblings who are both younger than me, one is a senior in high school and the other is a 7th grader. I honestly have to say I love being with my family, especially since I have been away at college already and realized quickly how much I love my quirky dysfunctional family :) Anyways, that's a little bit about me. Happy first blog post.