Family Systems Theory

According to the text book "Marriage & Family The Quest For Intimacy" by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer the definition of systems theory is that "...particular people form the system and have particular rules and roles that apply to their system. Furthermore, the group is composed of interrelated parts (individuals)." (p.20). However, in my Family Relations class we talked about systems theory actually being family systems. In each family there is always going to be a member who pulls in an important role or function of the system. Have you ever thought about what role you play in your family? We discussed in class the various roles we each took in our families and there was a wide variety. There isn't just a secluded number of roles, everyone brings their own unique part in the family unit. There are certain roles that are more central than others that makes the whole operate, this is called the Homeostatic Mechanism. For example one might say it would be the mother or father or both. If mother and father are central then we can start to draw out where we might fit in with them and maybe even siblings we there are any. Some people might draw (literally) themselves either close or far away from the parental subsystem and the same with siblings. Visually, it is a great way to actually see where relationships are and how to adjust them in a way that is more healthy. No family is perfect and there will always be room for improvement with relationships, the key to this? Communication. You simply CANNOT expect relationships to improve if you constantly assume that your family member knows what you're feeling. I am definitely 100% at fault when it comes to communication, it's hard for me to just go up to my sister or parents and tell them how I'm feeling without having an invitation. As silly as this might sound, it's true! Even when someone does ask how we are, what is our immediate response? "I'm good" or "I'm fine" Maybe take the time the next opportunity you have with a family member to dig deeper and see how they're doing and how the relationship is between the two of you. Recently I had gotten into the most ridiculous argument with my sister which blew up into a 3 year build up of frustration with me or in my case; misunderstanding. I was so offended and didn't realize that she didn't know my side of the story and I didn't know hers. We somewhat fixed it but it's a work in progress. It is so important to talk to your family members and learn more about the relationships you have with them. Who knows, maybe there was 3 years of anger and frustration that you didn't know about.