Marriage Adjustments

Aside from the biggest change of getting married we could also say that there are smaller details of adjustment when you first get married. Have you ever thought about sleeping adjustments or cleaning habits? For a good majority of people we later learn about these patterns once we are actually with our spouse. My husband and I found sleeping adjustments to be the hardest to figure out. I like the bedroom to be fairly warm while my husband would rather have the room ice cold and be covered by layers of blankets. So far we have just tried to make the temperature a happy medium for both of us and my husband sleeps with less covers now. Typically a lot of adjustments happen within in the first month and well into the first year of marriage. This is why it is usually a good idea to discuss different habits or rituals that the other person goes through prior to getting married. Sit down together and go through different habits such as spending, getting ready in the morning, punctuality, and eating habits etc.

What is love?

Have you ever thought to think what love is? I'm sure you think about the lovey dovey feelings you get when someone gives you a kiss or gives you a hug. typically we think about the romantic side of love and the emotional aspects of love. This type of love in Greek terms is actually called Eros, which is the emotional and romantic part of being in love. Something that should really come last in a relationship. Why? Wouldn't you hate it if down the road you realized what that person was actually like? Probably. There are three other terms used in the Greek terminology and they are Philia, Storge, and Agape. Philia love is the friendship you form or otherwise known as brotherly love, the State Philadelphia is known as the brotherly love state. Storge can be described as the love a parent has for their child. Some might think this is a weird comparison but try to dive deeper and see that a love that a parent has for their child is always evolving over time. Lastly is Agape, this is a more general type of love and can be towards complete strangers. Agape is described as doing service for one another. The four Greek terms are so important in having a strong relationship with people and even your companion. The latter three terms I discussed should always come first in finding the right companion for you, Eros will always come naturally after you've built a strong basis of true love. When dating try to remember the four Greek terms, if that person goes straight for Eros then chances are it is more of a lustful desire rather than a common destination for true love.

Same Sex Attraction

One thing I would like to clarify about same sex attraction is that it is not classified as being gay. There is a huge difference between the two, when you are gay then you  have decided to be in relationships with the same sex. having an attraction with the same sex does not mean you are now gay. An interesting thing we learned in class was how someone comes about becoming gay. I know a lot of us secretly wonder, a big portion of society would tell you that people are born with that instinct but this simply is not true. It really starts at a young age, child preferences in what they play with will impact how that child will be viewed by other children. I'm not saying as young as 5 but more like elementary age. If a boy is getting teased by the other boys then what is he going to do? He's going to try to impress the boys more than he is with the girls because he wants to be accepted. An interesting fact I learned in class was about boys her are sexually abused. If a young boy early on is sexually abused by another male then typically his idea is that this is acceptable and that he is supposed to like the same sex instead of the opposite. We might also say that boys who are taught that it is not ok to see a naked woman might actually cause that boy to think that it must be ok to see naked men. However, none of this is scientifically proven but ideas on how a boy might come to having an attraction towards the same sex. This typically does not happen as often with girls but more so when they have had a divorce, they aren't finding that emotional stability from their ex and they just end up having lesbian relationships. Again, I want to reiterate that these are just ideas that might help some people to more fully understand how same sex attraction happens.

Culture

When you think of culture, what are some of the first things that come to mind? Maybe different countries around the world or different ethnicities. The definition of culture as discussed in my class means to have a set of traditions or norms that a particular group follows. Learning by example; seeing it, hearing it, and speaking it. So as I said before, our initial thoughts are a lot greater and bigger but could we bring it in even closer to home? Do you have traditions or norms that your own family has followed throughout the years? One thing that I found interesting while discussing culture was the accommodations or adjustments you have to make when you get married. Now I'm not talking about individual habits that you have to sometimes get used to. Sometimes those things can get mixed in with culture and we have to be careful to see the difference there. For me this cultural mix has become a very new experience for me, I recently got married in July 2015. I haven't been a part of holiday traditions yet but I have gotten a taste of the other family traditions that my husband does. One example is family reunions, they get together with family very frequently for family reunions. This is something that is complete opposite from what I am actually accustom to, my family on both sides have probably done a total of 4 or 5 reunions in my life time. It's kind of hard for me to adjust to because I'm not used to being around so many people at a time for days at a time. This isn't a small reunion either, they are huge! Don't get me wrong, I fully believe family reunions are great and I want that for our some day little family. This is just one cultural difference that I will need to learn to get used to. Sometimes it can be really overwhelming with how many people there are but they are all great and wonderful people. As I briefly mentioned earlier about wanting family reunions for our own little family, this is an example of me sort of adopting new cultural practices into my life. That's the great thing about culture, you can take traditions from other people to make a more positive impact in your own family. However, it is also important that you don't try to adopt traditions that could be negative to the family. Have fun with it and brain storm the cool varieties of culture around you!